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miacasares
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Name: Mia
Location: New Mexico, United States
Birthday: 10/14/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: I like to listen to music, talk on the phone, go walking around my neighborhood, hangign out with my friends, and checking out hott guys!!!
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
10/26/2003
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| well this is the way it is today... I woke up this morning and took regina to work... I had to go to my school and work out my schedule. I start officially monday morning. I have to take health, communication skills, economics, and world something. I have economics twice that way I can finish it much faster. I only go till 12:30 and when I finish economics I will only have to go till 11 on monday, wednesday, and friday, and till 10 on tuesday and thursdays. After that I came home. I had to go to my interview at Dillards at 1:30. I went to that. It went good. I have a second interview coming up soon. I will hopefully be able to start training next week. That would be perfect. That way I can start saving so me and regina can move into our apartment. We are gonna call places and look at prices and hopefully find a reasonable one on the west side. That is gonna be a lot of driving cause work and school for the both of us is on the northeast side. All well. I don't mind driving everyday. I need to get some shoes if I get this job. I found some cute ones today at Sears. They are 40 dollars. I don't know where Imma come up with that money but I really want them. I was trying on clothes today at dillards. I found a lot of cute stuff. I act like I have money for all of it but it was fun playing dress up n e ways. Tomorrow is Monica's graduation. it's at 10 in the morning. Dianna and the whole family came to go to it. I have been doing good staying away from drama. Now Shantelle and Cameron are here for 2 hours and all kinds of drama arises. That's ok cause they will be gone by sunday. And the drama will leave with them right back to Alamo | | |
| this is the way my life goes... I'm not pretty no matter how hard I try. I need new clothes. My pants are too big and short and I have ugly shoes. I want a new wardrobe. I wish I had money. I hope I get the job at Dillards with Regina cause they pay really good and I'm tired of working at food places. The only food place I would consider would be soupersalad with Monica. I was supposed to go put in an application but I haven't had a way to get there yet. I go to work out my schedule at school friday morning so I should be starting monday morning. I would probably be able to start friday but I have too much stuff to do. I know a great start huh but I'm determined to graduate this year. I will work as hard as I can. | | |
| ok so this is the way it is... I just moved to Albuquerque a week and a day ago. I really like it here. Since I've been here, my life has been drama free and I am actually happy for the most part. I am still depressed quite often but I haven't cried since I've been up here. that is crazy considering I'm used to crying on an average of twice a day in Alamo. I have my girlfriend up here with me so I am pretty content. I like it cause when we are out in public together, she isn't afraid for ppl to see that we are together. I want to get her a bracelet for Valentines day but I don't know if I'm gonna have enough money. If not, I will get her something. I love her. I know some ppl think how could I love her, she's Shameka but i do. Everyone tells me she is a nasty hoe that stinks but I don't care what anyone says about her n e more. I don't know why I spent half of last year denying that i was even with her. PPl wonder why I'm with her. She makes me feel special. I don't know how to explain it. She makes me feel like I actually matter. I have to admit sometimes she makes me feel bad but I can't say n e one that I have been with besides Berto & Peter that hasn't made me feel that way. And by the way, I think she is beautiful. When she isn't paying attention, I will just sit and look at her and think how lucky I am that i have her. Now the only one that we have to keep us being together is both of our brothers. Besides them, I couldn't care less who knew. It makes me feel proud to hold her hand in public instead of being embarassed. She has made me comfortable with myself instead of being shy. Once again I love her and I'm glad to have her. On another note. I have gotten feelings for david. I never thought I would see the day when I would think of him that way, but guess what... I do. I started feeling them when he came down here for Thanksgivings. I was sooooo sad when he left and when he came for Christmas, I didn't really get to see him. I wanted to tell him then but I was too strung out over Cameron and his bullshit. Well I wrote david a letter and told him I just have to remember to send it off. I will probably see if regina can take me tomorrow to send it cause I know Imma really regret it if I don't get to tell him and it ends up being too late. I know he used to feel the same way I do now back in the day. I have no idea how he feels about me now. It might already be too late. I hope not. I love him... he is the greatest and the easiest person to talk to. He actually listens and cares. He is someone I could see actually having a future with to be honest. I am soooo proud of him for trying to get his life together. He quit smoking and he is going to church and listening to christian music. I couldn't be more proud of him than I am at this very moment. I wish i had a car so I could go visit him one day. Maybe if he's still in there when I get one, I will be able to go see him. But hopefully he will be out by then. You know what... I was just thinking, maybe i should just call him tomorrow and tell him what's up instead of sending it. I don't think i could get up enough courage to do it but i think it is a good idea. I just want him to know. They have this airbrush place here in the mall that does t-shirts and stuff like that. I wanna get him a shirt and matching shoes that have his mom's name,, birth & death date on them. I know he would love them but I have to wait till I get enough money to do it. | | |
| If he doesn't like the kind of person that takes care of him, why does he keep coming back? Is he doing it cause I want to and he doesn't want to hurt my feelings? If that's the case, he should say something cause just cause he's a guy doesn't mean nothing. He shouldn't have to be forced to do something he doesn't wat to do. I missed him sooo bad when he was gone. I always thought about him but I was trying to move on. Now that he's here, I wanna spend all the time with him possible before he has to leave again. Who knows when he will be back. I don't wanna be on be terms when he leaves like always. Our relationship we have is based pretty much on 1 thing. The major reason that is true is cause I want his child and he knows it. He told me many times he would help me try and he has. I don't know if he is still helping but last week he helped me anyway. He is the only one on earth, I'm not scared or nervous to see me naked or do those things witt. Half the time, it's my idea. I have loved him for a year and I don't think that's gonna change anytime soon. I know he cares about me cause whenever I am wrong to him, it really hurts him. He gets real jealous. I don't know why he would be mad, he could have me whenever he wants. If he came up to me RIIIIIGT now & asked me out, I would probly have to ask if he was serious first to make sure, but right after that, I would say yes without even thinking about t. It makes me sooo jealous when he has stacy or whoever over there with im or when he is talking on the phone w/ a female, or talking about a female ooking good or him liking another girl. I don't know how to get him to love me again. I know he did once. The day he 1st ever told me he loved me, I know he meant it. I know it. It made me feel like nothing could go wrong in my world. It's my fault for making his love go away. I kknow I ruined it I can't believe I did it. For the 1st and only time ever, I broke up with him. Oh my goodness it made me feel so speial that night he came back. He said I look cute. I know I dodn't look great but I felt like a beauty queen for that split second. M friends think he's a jerk cause he has cheated on me and he looks like a bad boy. If they only understood what he does to make me feel special. He can be soooo sweet. The things he has told me in the year we have been messing around, makes all the bad stuff that has happened, leave to the back of my mind. I remember one night me and him were sitting on the porch and he told me I have a smell that if he was blindfolded in a party full of people, he could find me just by y smell. I said that was messed up cause that means I stink but he said it wasn't a bad smell. I knew what he was talking about cause when I would wear his cothes or sleep in his bed or blanket, I would lay there smelling it cause it had his smell on it. He has a smell that gives me a comfort. It gives me memories that we have had. There are a lot of memories I hae of him. I could think of a memory just by looking at something. I hate when he acts like I'm not even there or that he detests me. I wish I could just kiss him. I love kissing him. He has some beautiful lips. Oh my goodness and when he came back from that place, he all has muscles and broad shoulders. he looks sexy!! I mean, he was sexy before but now it's like whoa... I want him to want me like he did back in the end of April!! Well I have as good a chance as any with one thing that puts me behind. We have been doing everything right for me to get pregnant. We had sex, he finished twice, I'm not on anything. We didn't use anything and I'm not on mmy period. We did it Wednesday. I'm gonna shoot for 1 night this weel. I could've last night but I didn't know it. Tabitha asked him the night beforelas if he was gonna shoot for that night and mark his spot. He didn't know what she was talking about. Well last night, she asked him again and he said he didn't know if he wanted to. Then he said he would but he wasn't gonna force me to do anythingk I didn't want to knowing damn well, it's not even a question if I want to or not. Well he said I had to try too. After I got off the phone w/ Tabitha, I laid there in Rishawnas bed w/ the phone by me. He came in and took the phone and a notebook and went back into the living room and called Cassandra and Alina. he stayed on the phone so I went home. I called him whenever I got home. Well I 3-wayed him w/ Tabitha and told him to tell Jalisa I went home. i asked him if it woulda been worth shooting for and he said yah. I done missed m opportunity to conceive or have mre of a % chance. The mre we do it, the more of a chance I have right? It's crazy! I feel soooo stupid. Everyone in school is all w/ older guys and married or whatever and I'm still ln love w/ a 15 year old and I'm 18. that's sad. But I can't help it. It doesn't really bother me that much. I don't really are how old he is. I love him regardless. He doesn't act 15 at all. Well atleast not most of the time but what person do yo know that doesn't act immature at least every once in a while. If not, you must be a REALLY boring person. I think if we had a baby, it would be a gorgeous child. Whether it was a boy or a girl it wouldn't even matter to me. I would be so happy-no extatic if I found out I was pregnant. I would want to know what I was having b4 I had it just so I could prepare. I would be able to get things for the child according to the sex of the baby, but I wouldn't care cause I know it would be gorgeous either way. I think now would be the not perfect time but perfect time so far for me to get pregnant and have a baby. I will graduate befor I had it. I will be working and I will save my money. I will be a good mommy. I know it. I will be graduated and I get paid vacation at work and I will still have the schedule from school @ work so I will be able to spend time with it when it is born. I don't want him to start schol. There are too many girls there and I don't want all of them to have a greater advantage than me. I like it when he stays at dianna's house when I'm at school cause I can see him when i get out of school. I can shoot later. I need to keep trying cause like I said, the more it happens, the better chance i have. I hate that when see, talk, and call him, he seems irritated by me. and when Shenicka comes to him, it's like a princess. He gives her so much attention. I hate itI know she's prettier than me but is it all based on looks? If it is, I don't have a chance. I hate not being pretty. It makes me so jealous. I don't know if he tries to make me jealous. If he is trying, it works like a charm. I don't know if he tries to make me cry, but since he's been gone, I haven't cried for him not once. Since he's been back, I've cried twice. And that's in 1 week. I dont know why I let it get to me. I just can't help it. When I get sad or jealous when he has to do with it, i get this feeling in my stomach. It's like someone is hitting me over and over again. It makes me feel like I'm gonna be sick. I absolutely positively hate that feeling it's the worst feeling that I constantly have lately. I love him soooo much. He has noooo idea. I wish I could let him know, but I know I bother him with that kind of stuff. I wish I could be one of the girls he just sits and talks to on the phone. i think the longest conversation we have had on the phone was the night before he went to jail for a month and that was us arguing. Tabitha asked me if I had an hour to live and i was locked in a room with him what would I do? She said I would fuck the shit outta him. Well i really thought about that question and I decided I would sit and tell him how much I love him and how I wanted my life t end up if I wasn't gonna die in an hour. I would just lay there in his arms. Wishing I could stay like this forever. I had it all planned out. Then she asked me why i couldn't do that now. Why would I have to be under the circumstances of being locked in a room about to die. I told her it was a way different situation. You never know when it will be too late and I won't get to ever tell him the way I feel. But I don't think I could ever get the courage to tell him how I feel. I remember one night I got up enogh courage to sit him down &ask him questions. I am glad I did it cause he was very honest even though a couple of the answers broke my heart. But If you aren't prepared to hear the answer you don't want to hear as well as the answers you do, don't ask the question. I wish I could get th eguts to do that again, but I would be waaaay too scared to do it now and to be hinest, I know it would turn out horrible cause a lot of things have changed since then. Oh I just wish I could have things back to the way they were in April when we were 2 gether. Things were going so good. Sooooo good and I ruined it. I remember one night me and him were in my brothers car coming back from my house, just me and him and I turned down the music and asked him if he was just with me because of the bet him and Shantelle haad going on or if he was with me cause he wanted to be. He didn't even have to think about it. He turned to me and said cause he wanted to be. I was so relieved. He rially did love me then. What happened? What did I do to screw things up To make him not love me anymore? Maybe I'm just trippin' maybe he still des love me. I mean it could happen I mean it's happened before so I mean it's not impssible. I wonder if that's all he wants me for now is to shoot. I hope not. I wonder if he would still get jealous if I was with someone else. I hope he would but I don't think so but I could be wrong. I love the picture I have of us together on my stereo. I love it. When I got the camera developed, he had just went to jail. I was so happy when I opened it and it was there. I cherish that picture even though I look like shit in it. The funny thing is, even though he told me I was beautiful before or whatever, when I really tried to impress him, & I thought I looked nice, he never noticed. Not once the whole year. Wait lemme change that I lied. He told me when we were sitting at Denny's. I love when he tells other people to quit messing with "his girl" or they better leave "his girl" alone. I used to love when he called me his future wifie. Maybe one day I could really be his wifie. Anything is possible ok. I wish he would write me. Out of all the times I wrote him, he never wrote me back. But I wrote him, and he wrote Shenicka and Alina. I get so jealous. Soooo Soooo jealous. I hate being jealous of my friend. I love Shenicka to death. She is my buddy and I hate feeling jealousy against her. It sux. He goes to Aces right in that other building and he's w/ that gurl over there. His love, his wife. I wish she would just go to jail or move away. That would be perfect. My chances seem to get smaller and smaller everyday. i wish I could go and get skinnier and prettier so he would want me again like he used to. Everette is coming for Christmas!!!Imma probly hear something from somebody but us kicking it. What they don't understand is we were going out for 6 months before Ilet him do what he wanted. and the nly reason I let him is cause I wanted to wait longer, but he was moving to Texas with his dad. I don't regret it. The only problem with it is, I was with his cousin. I've even cheated on him w/ his wn cousin. He knows it. At first, he was mad but he got ver it and isn't mad anymore. Come to think of it, me and everette have had longer relationships than me and Cameron. Bt it was definately a cheating relationship on both our parts. As a matter of fact, everyone I've been with except Berty, has cheated on me. So I kinda expect it now. It's kinda normal to me. It shouldn't be. That's not right and when I get cheated on, I cheat. I'm not a cheater. They make me that way. I think if Everette didn't cheat and we were together, it would be a great relationship. he is a sweet person. he makes me feel sooo special. I love to cuddle and whenever we're together, we cuddle all the time. There's a big difference because when I sleep with him, I mean actually sleep, he holds me the whole time. Never lets me go. Well Cameron, he is abusive in the middle of the night. He's a fighter. Outta all the people Everette coulda called about him coming, he called me. I know he still cares. When he stole his dads truck anddrove down from Texas, he got to Meka's and called me and met me at movie gallery. I got outta the truck and gave him a huge hug. I wanted to kiss him sooo bad but, I couldn't cause I was going out w/ Meka and she was right there watching. He was supposed to spend the night but he got caught before that. Sometimes things happen for a reason. Maybe I wasn't sposed 2 b with him when the other he was there. I just wish I could have the ether he. It sux soooo bad. It's like a don being tied down w/ a steak riiiight in front of them and their tongue can GARELY... reach it. But you know you will never get the whole steak. It really sucks. I remember one night me, him, Gerald, and janelle were all just sitting at Alameda Park. He likes to flow. Well I have heard him talk from food to weed to his family. Hell, even Scooby-doo. Well, that night, the subject was me. he said the stuff I had been waiting to hear for a long time. I wish I had a tape reacorder. i will never forget that night. Whenever I go there, I alwayz remember. He, Gerald, and Janelle all remember that night. He remembers way more than i thought he would. He will bring up things that I would ever in a million years think he would remember. i hate feeling like I constantly wanna cry. I hate feeling like I don't wanna be here anymore. If I could, I would move with Regina, get a job, and just come down here to visit. I loved staying up there. I never wanted to leave, but I had to. I wanna go back. I wanna go and be with my best friend that I know would never turn her back on me no matter what I do. I wanna go up there with my girlfriend so I can go to the movies with them instead of being here crying. Or feeling like I have nobldy here left except my mom. I love my mom to death and I know she only wants what's best for me. I think she's gonna be sad when i leave the house. I really do wanna vove to Albuquerque with Regina. I know I could. She wants me to move with her to Dallas when I graduate cause she will graduate from Apollo college before I'm done with school. I think I would like it in Dallas w/ Regina and Miniya. I could help Regina out with her. Maybe by then I could be expecting my own. That would be wonderful. I would go right now if I could. I don't like this school cause everyone is acting stupid. I wonder how it's gonna go today. I get to talk to him after school before everyone gets there I hope. maybe I will get lucky and we can chill lke we used to for a little bit. I was reading this thing on the internet last night that Cassandra sent. It said something like" you may not always have tomorrow" and "if I woulda known tomorrow wasn't gonna come" It really make me think. Last year I went and bought really pretty paper and stickers and planned on writing everyone that meant something in my life. I started writing, got Gerald and Janelle done, and I gave up. I now I nee dto cause If I don't I'm gonna regret it. I should do that this weekend. I can't talk to him. I'm not able to get the strength. Oh my goodness.... I'm soooo scared right now... Tabitha's on the phone with him and I don't know what she's talking to him about I know he's not gonna be the same to me after this. I know it. I shoulda just told her I would do it later. It's not gonna be the same I now it. He's already in a bad mood. He's gonna have a negative attitude to it and it's gonna change everything. Things have already changed enough as it is I don't want things to get worse. he already knows how I feel so if he doesn't wanna talk to me or whatever, I shouldn't make him but at the same thime, he should let me know how things are now so I can deal with it. I gotta hear it to believe it or I just keep it in my mind that maybe it's not for sure true. Why is it taking so long for her to talk to him? There isn't really that much that is needed to be said.I hope she isn't telkking him stuff I don't want her to. I feel like he thinks I'm an idiot. The night before he went to jail, he told Janelle and Gerald that he doesn't want me holding on forever, yet we have been together since then. Am I the confused one, is he, are we both, or are nither of us confused at all? I shoudn't be out here. I could get caught, but I'm way tooo scared to go in there right now I just wanna write. Writing is good. That way nobody has to know what is going on in my Fucked up world. It isn't anybody's business to know everything about me that I don't even know. It's not right I guess it's kinda wrong. We aren't together and as a matter of fact, he isn't even talking to me right now. He can't say it's messed up cause the one he "loves" did it too just the opposite way. I was w/ him Friday and with Shaun last night. Alina used to be w/ Shaun and is with him now. It's not like it was planned. I was asleep and he called me. We didn't really do n e thing bad. We werejust kinda being 2 gether. N E ways he lied to Shaun sayin he called and talked to me aaobut drinking with them yesterday. The funny thing is, I haven't talked to him since the day before yesterday and he said he was gonna beat me up and hung up on me for something I didn't do might I say. I think he's talking to me again but I might be wrong. I hope I'm not wrong. Stacy was there last night it was cool cause he was in the room asleep while she was there. Shenicka told me that him and Stacy were supposedly together. She got skinnier and prettier. she's really starting to mature. I wonder why Henry wasn't there too last night. He's sexy. I got 2 cameras developed last night. There were a lot that TaVon took at her basketball banquet. There are some of Cameron, Everette, Devaughn, David Ty, me & Shantelle. I know Cameron's gonna want them when he sees that I ahve them. I don't ahve to work till after Thanksgivings so I get to walk home w/ Shantelle & all them after they get outta school. I gotta go get Shenicka from the school after she gets outta 3rd hour. I was suppsed to go yesterday, but I was too tired. Imma get to see Derek. I forgot to call him last night. When I finally remembered, It was too late for me to call. | | |
| to start off, last night me, my brother, and shantelle had to take my mom to portales to meet Rica and Matthew. She is going for a week down there cause matthew is having surgery on his back. I wanted to go but since I have missed so much school, i can't go. On our way back from dropping my mom off, we got a flat tire in Roswell. I jinxed us. I was telling my brother the whole trip we should stay the night in Roswell. I really got what I asked for. I meant with a car but all well. We stayed at the Ramada in. We had to walk to the convenience store cause we didn't have n e thing with us and my brother wanted beer. I got a comb & stuff while we were there too. When we got back to the motel we ordered pizza. I watched fear factor then went to sleep. Today we went to go get the tire fixed and went to Wal-Mart. We put on lotion and got throat spray for my brother. I got it in my eye again just like in 6th grade. I had to go back in and get some eye drops. We got some food from sonic then came home. I had fun even though it was boring, cause I got to hang out with my big brother. He had me and shantelle laughing the whole time. I pulled weeds today. Jamal came and got my brother and now I'm on the computer | | |
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